Sound Asleep

One year for Christmas, my mother dragged out the table that had my dollhouse set on it.

She placed it above the stairs that led into the living room. It was such a long time ago, I don't remember all the details. However, I remember at night, her pointing out that she put my dollhouse there so the Christmas tree in our living room could look like it was in my dollhouse's.

Thinking back at this simple time, it brings tears to my eyes. It was such a magical sight. 

I'm not even sure my mom remembers doing something like this for me. 

I would say I had a typical childhood. I have personal issues now that I'm trying to work on through shadow work and journalling. You have no idea how many prompts and drafts I have in my files about things I want to talk and express. 

I brought up this memory because it brings me back to a peaceful time, where I would fall asleep to my parents having late night drinks with their friends past my dinner time. 

I could hear the chatter in the living room and it brought me so much peace knowing I wasn't alone. My brother would be close by and I could hear him move around or breathing. Again, it brought me peace. 

Towards my 15th birthday, I don't know why but I wanted to leave, and start a new chapter of my life. Life just wasn't peaceful anymore. 

I went to a high school, lived in the dorms, far away from my family. 

There, I was also able to find peace. Knowing that there were two roommates and dozen others on the same floor all asleep. 

We all had a set time when the lights went out. So when they would go out, I'd take out my earphones and play anything, a show or a video on youtube. 

Something that sounded like people having a good time. Just how my parents would cackle over wine at night. 

Despite moving away, I had always kept them close by. 

I sometimes wish I could go back in time to hear those conversations that I never understood while drifting to sleep. 

Feel the comfort and safeness it provided me.